tHe BiTcH's bLoG

2009-09-19T18:29:00.002+08:00

umma, i didnt know you could hurt me lidat. my heart was torn into pieces. i have never once force you to pay for my school fees. i just merely told you what i wanted to do. i remember you telling me "if thats what you want, i dont mind. if its for your education, i dont mind." your words today killed me like a thousand daggers stabbing through my heart. if the 6k means so much to you, fine. when i earn my 1st 6k, i'll give it all back to you. i dont want it if its not from the heart. if i was such a burden to you, why did you even had me in the first place? when we fought, i cant help but think why do i exist in this world?? when im nothing but a trouble to you. it makes me sad when i think about you. 1 day, you can be very nice, giving me support & love. but another day turning into a totally different person. it scares me when you change. i no longer recognize you. my trust towards you was also crushed. how can i trust you the next time you are nice again? i start to wonder, is that what parenting is about?? will i do that to my own in future? will i be calculative? will i confuse my own by being 2 different human? i dont understand how you could do that. i can be so motivated when you gave me your support. but so confused when you twist your words. i wanted to learn how to ride a bike not to go out and be a wild animal at night. how could you place me into that category? i never want to embarrassed you lidat. never. my desire was to build something out of my own money. supporting myself. be an independent young adult. i'm always proud to call you my mum. but i guess not.

2009-09-18T22:48:00.000+08:00

"The Climb"

I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, but

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep faith baby
It's all about, it's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah

2009-05-20T22:07:00.001+08:00

YOU brought the worst out of me. i dont like the person i have become. who is that girl i see staring straight back at me? i dont even know who i am anymore. i want things i can never have. i do thing i shouldn't have done. im not proud of what i did. in fact its killing me inside. i cant help but think if i should have taken a different approach. but the deed is done. isit too late to make amendments? is the damage irreversible? i dont want to be putting a mask on every time i go out and be something im not. it seems okay before. but i soon realise that i got so used to it that i've turn exactly to that evil twin sister that i've created in my head. its eating me inside. its feeding on whats left of the true me. i have to snap out of it. FAST! before i lose myself more. i've changed. i've changed for the worst. and i only have myself to blame. please god, show me to the right path. i've made a mistake. please dont give up on me. forgive me.

2009-05-17T22:07:00.002+08:00

have you ever felt like just disappearing or changing your identity and be someone completely different when life dont turn out the way you want it to be? everyday, we go through many obstacles, tricky situations, challenges and the list goes on. im in a situation right now where i cant think anymore. i seriously dont know what to do. I WANT OUT. but thats not an option isnt it? i got myself in, i get myself out. how will i know if im making the right move? should i be self-centred? should i spare a thought to whoever i might hurt? either way, i know i wont feel any better about myself. i want to fight for myself. i really do. just not confident enough if i will be able to make it and if i have the strength to go all out. will i chicken out? my self believe is as low as it can get now. what if i fail? will i break? will i still be able to stand up and march on despite what just happened? if i decide to spare a thought, i will make someone else's day. but at the end of the day, i'm back to square one. when will i move on and build something to call my own? isit worth all the risk? isit worth losing something so precious? gosh... all these thoughts in my head is really getting to me.

2009-04-27T23:34:00.003+08:00

okay. im back. ermm. nothing much. no. actually there's a lot of things going on. i've been having headaches. my motion sickness has gotten 10 times worst. im scared cats and dogs. weather has been bad. been having irregular sleep. and im one confused bitch.

2009-04-16T00:05:00.001+08:00

why am i hurting? i dont know. can i be happy? i dont know. who knows? nobody knows. aniways... i might be moving to a new blog. MIGHT. haha. okay... so long.

2009-03-27T23:18:00.002+08:00

Don't remind me, I'm not over it. yes, i still blame myself. yes, i still cry at night. this sick strange darkness it comes creeping on so haunting every time. yes, i lay in bed yearning to feel something warm and fuzzy. yes, i still go home hoping to see her. yes, when i visit the toilet, i miss smelling and seeing poop. yes, im hearing things. yes, i cant help but think what could have been. yes, i wonder if i could ever meet her again. yes, everyday my mind will repeat every minute of that horrible event when she left. yes, i know you people might think this mourning over a pet is kinda over done. i have things under control. i do. but there are days that i just wanna cry and relieve myself from all the burdens place upon my shoulders. you can choose to ignore it. but it will still be there and nothing gets settled.

Tell me why you're so hard to forget.

2009-03-16T00:44:00.002+08:00

i think im gonna do a happy post. teehee!! coz im happy. weeeee. im contented with the way my life is right now. though its not really a stable one. haha. im so not ready to do the retake papers in april. my first week of april is pretty much packed. hmmm. shud i just go ahead?? i dont think so. i might waste the money spend for it if i fail. but if i delay, when will i get my dip?! goshhh. i shall do some more thinking on that. i watched some rugby just now on star sports. wowwee. it was so intense. i got hooked. the excitement it gives me.... le sigh. just when the england vs france's match was about to start, my father just had come into the picture. he wants so badly to watch wrestling. (-_-) FINE. so annoying. aniways, oasis is coming to town!! oasis anione?? i think the new record is pretty RAD! the more i listened to it. "falling down" is definately one of the best track i've heard from them. cant wait to have me some gallagher brothers.

2009-03-12T21:02:00.001+08:00

i miss you baby girl. you're irreplaceable.

2009-03-05T01:15:00.000+08:00

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

I'm gonna make you bend and break
(It sent you to me without wings)
Say a prayer but let the good times roll
In case God doesn't show
(Let the good times roll, let the good times roll)
And I want these words to make things right
But it's the wrongs that make the words come to life
"Who does he think he is?"
If that's the worst you got
Better put your fingers back to the keys

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

Been looking forward to the future
But my eyesight is going bad
And this crystal ball
It's always cloudy except for (except for)
When you look into the past (look into the past)
One night stand (one night stand off)

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

They say I only think in the form of crunching numbers
In hotel rooms collecting page six lovers
Get me out of my mind and get you out of those clothes
I'm a liner away from getting you into the mood, whoa

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

One night and one more time (One more night, one more time)
Thanks for the memories
even though they weren't so great
"He tastes like you only sweeter"
One night, yeah, and one more time (One more night, one more time)
Thanks for the memories, thanks for the memories
"He, he tastes like you only sweeter"

2009-02-22T02:29:00.001+08:00

ouh no!! am i over working myself??? my feet now have veins showing all. eeeeeee. TIDAKKKKKKKKKKKK!

2009-02-11T23:59:00.001+08:00

sleep the pain off ifah. tomorrow is a brand new day. one step at a time.

2009-02-03T22:42:00.001+08:00

i just really lost for words. is there something seriously wrong with me?! I DONT KNOW. if there is, why dont you just say straight to my face? im just really dissapointed with some stuff. i admit that i can be self-centered at times. cmon. everyone is. why dont you see my side? so i'll see yours better. i've been feeling this negative vibe lately. and i dont like it. i dont understand. someone help me understand pls. isit true that people in general will remember forever the negative things you do but forgets the positive ones fast?? im really upset now. im feeling the pressure. and im freaking out. i cant deal with it. i cant. give me a break. will i or can i even ever outshine you?? shit. why do you always bring me down?? i dont want to fight life anymore. im tired. if it makes you feel better, then so be it.

2009-01-20T23:09:00.001+08:00

im tired. im tired of you. im tired of trying. im tired of hoping. im tired of everything.

2008-12-29T23:46:00.002+08:00

it has been 1 week since Muncul's death. i cant quite put to words at how im coping right now. its hard. but im sure i'll get through it. i just miss her so much. she was really my 24/7 ever since i shifted into my current hse here in woodlands. back during the early years, we practically did everything together. where ever i go in the hse, she was right there with me. the memory i have of her on the very 1st day when she stepped into my life was the best day of my life. i couldnt be happier. i still remember being told by my brother that there was a cat in the balcony. i ditched my school bag and went to inspect. there she was... looking up at me, with her gorgeous eyes. as tiny as the size of my foot. i couldnt wait to cuddle her. i knew in an instant that the friendship that im gonna share with her will be the most unforgettable, fun-filled, personal and most importantly filled with the unconditional love she gives me. within 1 day, she was toilet trained by me and she also started to eat the dry food i bought. my brother was terrified of her! he was all the way on the couch. till now, i still cant figure out why! Muncul was just a tiny 4 mths old kitten back then. haha. she even slept with me on my bed that night. when my father came to my room to get her off my bed, i woke up straight away to stop him. from that day onwards, there wasnt a dull moment with her. not until when she went missing one day and only to find out that she fell from my 5th storey HDB flat to the ground floor. which she did, NUMEROUS times. she survived every single fall. her latest fall was on 30th november. where my friend Hafeez helped to save her as she was stuck in a rather difficult situation. Muncul was ald starting to struggle with health issues. she started losing alot of weight. it got from bad to worst on the 24th of november. i was outside at that point of time. when i got a call from my brother. Muncul was very weak and couldnt even bring herself to the toilet to pee. and ended up pee-ing on my brother's bed. that's when we decided to bring her to the vet for a check up. that's when the blood and urine test results hit me that she wasnt in good shape. her kidney wasnt doing so well. and she was really dehydrated. i tried my best to really look after her. i even skipped work. her last check-up with the doctor was on 16 december. there was a slight improvement from Muncul the night before. she started to walk ard the house. she even wanted to go out! the vet too agreed that she looks better. little did i know that she was gonna leave me forever 5 days later. it all happen at 4 am in the morning when my mum woke me up saying that Muncul is breathing funny in her room. so i came to check on Muncul. my mum told me in malay that "Muncul mcm da nazak" meaning that she's on the verge of death. she was just lying there on the cold floor breathing with her mouth open. i took her to my room in her basket. she was moving alot. like as if she was in pain. i just kept on holding her. to at least calm her down. i fall asleep a few times within 2 hours. after 2 hours, Muncul was moving too much in the basket. so i took her out. place her on the floor where she was still moving and shifting herself. she hit her head hard a few times on the hard floor too. i had to hold her to prevent her from hurting herself further. so all she could move was her hands and legs. after a few movements, she took her last breathe and died on my hands. i called out to her name and kissed her but she didnt move. i called my mum twice to tell her coz i couldnt find the voice the 1st time. with tears blurring my vision i was touching her to check over and over again if her heart was still beating and if i could do anything. but to no avail. my mum came immediately when she heard me. she too started crying and kissed her. i still remember every word my mum said "takpe eh Muncul, Muncul pun tengah sakit kan. deq... binatang pun mcm manusia, satu hari akan mati jugak. dahlah deq... adeq nangis pun tak guna." my face was buried in my pillow coz i couldnt control myself. i thought that im gonna suffer from asthma attack. it was hard processing it. my mum took a white cloth frm my cupboard and told me to wrap her up. when i carried her, it wasnt the same Muncul that i remember for the past decade. Muncul was always warm and soft but the very last time i held her, she was hard. after that my mother had to take over as i was crying even more. we placed her in her basket carefully. we had to wait for my father to get home from work to bury her. my mum left me to do some work. i continued crying til i fall asleep. during that short sleep, i dreamt of Muncul alive and well again. when i woke up, i was hoping and thinking that it was just a nightmare and that Muncul is still around. only to wake up seeing the white cloth in the sky blue basket. i couldnt stay in my room anymore. too many memories would crowd my mind, reminding me of Muncul. so i left my room and sat on the couch and stare into blank space until my father got home. and he took Muncul away. i didnt dare do anything in the house cause anything i do would only remind me of her. i would like to thank friends who tried comforting me. especially raidah. Muncul was more than a pet to me. she was a companion, a sister i never had and most importantly, she was my bestfriend. she was very much part of the family. whoever comes to visit my family, would request to see Muncul too. without fail. Muncul is now a closed chapter in my life. but one that i will never forget.

ps: Muncul, thank you for being a part of my life, for being there when im down, for making my life brighter with your energy and thank you for being my friend. i love you and miss you so much. farewell my friend.

July 1999 - 22 December 2008

2008-12-23T23:23:00.000+08:00

i cant do it.

2008-12-16T01:57:00.002+08:00

i've been wanting to post something. but i cant seem to get anything out. and i've change my skin ald. so enthu but then never update? wtf? soo here goes some current events. i will be bringing my cat for a re-check at the animal clinic tmr. appointment is at 10 am. can i wake up?? hmm. you know... its freaking scary hokay going there! got people with big dogs all. small ones are also scary lah! haha. they pee and pooped all over the place. okay. im exaggerating just a wee bit. just this small white dog. he pee-ed on the counter. there was dogs all over the place. and mind you the place was small. i was the only one with a cat. when my cat was brought in to be checked, i was left alone sitting right at the very corner of the place. but nonetheless, the experience going alone was cool. like a mother bring her sick child to see the doc. hoho. wtf am i talking abt?? goshh. forget i said that. aniways, i'll be back to work on thurs. excited to meet the peeps! and that special someone. *wink wink* not excited to work. i seriously got PHOBIA ald. i think im gonna be counting and counting my money. i dont care if im gonna take forever. im gonna COUNT. okay. thats it. so long.

ps: raidah! i blog abt you another day horr! I WILL.

2008-12-14T03:33:00.000+08:00

ifahh <3 the new skin. weeee.

2008-12-13T01:25:00.001+08:00

is there something on your mind? what do you try to hide? i can't seem, no i can't seem to get a hold on you. what more can i give? what more can i say? coz i can't make you love me anyway. i can see and i can feel you're thinking of her again.

2008-12-06T00:39:00.000+08:00

waves of silver, waves of gold. are coming down to take me. hopes of heaven, fears of hell. what's the chance i'll make it? when all my other plans have failed. and i try so hard to fake it. i burn my bridges daily before any other cross. they tell me im nothing more than a tragedy. but you tell me "im bad news baby. im gonna break your heart. im not the man you want. the only girl i'll ever love, is trapped inside a song." you just sit and stare as if i'm from another land. in your comfortable chair, oh i wish i were another gerl. i'll set the world on fire. cause i could not satisfy you.

2008-12-05T01:44:00.000+08:00

mixed feelings. i dont know. i dont know. i seriously dont know. maybe. maybe not. looks like it will take SOME time for me to fall asleep today. so long.

2008-11-27T03:11:00.002+08:00

you have succeeded in sucking the life out of me with your words. i hope you're happy. damn you. damn you. thats what i get for listening to my heart. aren't you happy for playing with my feelings. i bet you enjoyed every minute of it. how could you do it? ouh, i never saw it coming. but i still try holding on to silly things. i never learn. jeez. pain, make your way to me, to me. and i'll always be just so inviting. the fact that it's pouring outside, is making me more sick to the gut. i guess you're the man who cant be move ehh?? but nonetheless, i would like to end with this. "you never lose by loving, you only lose by holding back." so long.

2008-11-25T16:12:00.002+08:00

why cant you give me an equal chance? what makes you so sure? sometimes, i wonder... why do i even bother? i cant constantly fight a losing battle. but still, i cant help but give my all, hoping. i like to think that all energy spend will pay off some day. that it'd be all worth it. but i guess i should've known better. i lent my heart out forever and learned it the hard way. i tell myself, "this time it's different". Cause if my heart breaks, it's gonna hurt so bad. I really wish I could blame you, but I know that it's no one's fault. nono. i've got to let it go. start protecting my heart and soul. the little things abt you means a whole lot to me. when you smile, warms my heart. little conversations we have, had me thinking. sharing insider jokes, ouh so special. when we touch, sends chills down my spine. when you look me in the eye, keep your eyes locked on mine. when you gaze at me, my skin burns. when you surprise me, you're all that i think abt. when you're expressionless, i wish i could read your mind. your imperfections, it's prefect in my eyes. bottomline, when you're with me, i wish that time could slow down. it's like catching lightning the chances of finding someone like you. it's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way i do. and with every step together, we just keep on getting better. however, the one precious thing that i've been having for almost a decade is slowly fading away. i can never imagine living without you. and I don't think i'll survive this goodbye.

2008-11-22T12:56:00.000+08:00

serial killer ehh? well, lets get into action. i've been eyeing my target for almost 2 weeks now. waiting for the right moment to make my move. ever since the news broke out about the Peacock Society, i've been putting extra effort in keeping my cool. dont wanna look suspicious. but i wont stop now. i've been waiting forever to perform the perfect murder. that fucker dont deserve to take another breathe in this world for labeling cher as one of them. what kind of man that you are, if you're a man at all. well i will figure this one out on my own. 7th dec marks the date where i will lure you to a motel for some "action". once i have you to myself, boy... you're in for a treat. and while getting hot and sweaty, i'll never forget my masterplan. which is to cuff you to the bed and placing a dry-cleaning bag over your head just like all the previous sins i've commit. even when i could have taken a different approach by giving you the typical head-shot. but thats not how i wanted it to be. i want to watch you suffer. i want you to feel the pain. i want to see the horror in your eyes as you suffocate. the truth may be hiding in your eyes but its hanging on your tongue. a long and painful death it is. on a recliner with Mister Potato in hand, i shall take my time to process every minute of your last moments. once your eyes have turned bloodshot, the deed is done. i will then fuck off and leave you to rot till your sorry ass has been discovered. all this could have been prevented when all i wanted is to be the MILK to your biscuit.

2008-11-19T02:14:00.007+08:00

I'm going crazy. here i am again staying up late to complete project work when deadline is tomorrow. ifah just never change. but the best damn thing was during this crucial time when i need the help of every group mate, they just have to have connection problems. wtf. thanks. exactly what i needed. GREAT. now i'm not even half way through the project. coz im distracted by the thoughts in my head. and just needed to get them out. clear my mind for abit. so i can focus. i thought i know me. but i guess not. i thought i was strong enough to handle it. i've been making bad decisions to bad decisions. and its all coming right back at me. im feeling pretty shitty right now. i feel like SCREAMING! am i mean? am i self-centred? am i hopeless? am i too paranoid? am i that bad? am i a disappointment? could i be just hurting myself as a result? i can feel the pressure, its getting closer now. my head is screwed up. i swear i thought i feel myself walking funny just now. as the thoughts in my head are not evenly spread out. heavy on one side. there's just too many QUESTIONS and no ANSWERS. ANSWERS! I WANT SOME ANSWERS!! argh. just ONE WEEK is left of school. ouhh...how time fly by. but im not moving. how i wish i could be like a zombie or a robot. and just do stuffs that im told to do. and not have any feelings and emotions. just STONED. room is a mess. and so am i. i want things to happen but i'm never making any effort. HI, my name is ifah and i have issues.
-it will all get better in time-

2008-11-18T02:47:00.002+08:00

you're boring. you're so boring; i could die. now im more than convince that i dont stand a chance. even so, i dont want to. you think its that easy. no fucking way. you're just too caught up in your own world. everything is you you you. you behave like a gerl with a brain as small as a sperm, an ego as big as a sperm whale and down with the sickness i call isuckballs syndrome. except that you're a BOY and not a girl. well at least you're much prettier than a pig, but the wide nostrils, large earlobes and piggy eyes surely spoke of some ancient farmyard collision of human and beast. i'm not interested in fucking plants, flowers or pest control. i'm trying to work on how to tell a male from a female holly bush. i dont know what i've just said. but the bottomline is, you really do SUCK.

2008-11-16T19:45:00.001+08:00

im just really turned off. im sorry if im giving you the cold shoulder. i cant help but hold back from you. you made me feel unworthy. like i dont stand a chance to be a part of you. but i will accept whatever god gives me with an open mind. i wont deny the time spent together. for that, i would like to thank you. even if it were for a day. but i will not let myself get to a sorry state. nono. not because of you. im not that desperate. i know one day, i will meet that someone. it just happen not to be you. im completely fine with it. its not as if it never happen before. and ouh... just so you know, i WON. you LOSE.

2008-11-15T23:43:00.003+08:00

i lay awake feeling empty. under your spell again. i cant say no to you. my heart is bleeding in your hands. shouldnt let you torture me so sweetly. now i cant let go of this dream. i've completely lost myself but i dont mind. these four walls were not strong enough. i probably shouldnt say this but at times i get so scared when i think about the previous relationship you had. its not possible for me not to care. "am i good enough for you to love me too?" you make me laugh. you make me cry. i don't know which side to buy. but you made me love you. i can honestly say, you've been on my mind since i woke up today. could we just sit and talk awhile. just want to see you smile. feel your sunlight shining over me. one day, one day, im gonna give all i have to give to you.

2008-11-13T23:24:00.001+08:00

hello. hello. my class today was cancel cause my teacher wasnt feeling so well. hmmp. and my grp mates was suppose to have a project meeting. so i left hse not knowing that the class is cancel. after taking the lift down, Gold called me on my cell informing that the class was cancel and that she didnt want to meet for project discussion. lucky i wasnt that far off to the train station. so headed back home. rotted at home for 2-3hrs. then i was off to meet Dian and Ernie at bukit batok. after settling some stuff, we had a late lunch at bbdc. then we headed to the birdpark. the game started at ard 0645 going 0700. we couldnt play at the picnic ground coz it was too muddy. so vijay suggested coach bay. haha. it was fun. i suck during the 1st half. and yaddas yaddas. dont know what else to say. before ernie send us back home, we took a group photo. and i will never forget the ride home in ernie's car! KECOH!! okay. thats it. bubye.

2008-11-10T23:42:00.004+08:00

hah. what a day it turn out to be. hmmm. i really dont know where this will lead to. all a gerl can do is dream and hope. =) im looking forward to thursday. to hold ball. hahaha. to practice captain ball of coz. for a friendly match at the zoo on 28 nov. against the zoo? i dont know. hhmmp. its been forever since i played that game. hopefully i'll enjoy it the way i enjoyed it back during secondary days. the birdpark clan has never been this tight. all the more difficult for me to leave. maybe i shud just take things easy. i shall try real HARD. so long.
-dont wanna scare you-

2008-11-09T22:10:00.001+08:00

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush

'Cause the possibility
That you would ever feel the same way about me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Has it ever crossed your mind
When we're hanging, spending time girl, are we just friends?
Is there more, is there more?

See it's a chance we've gotta take
'Cause I believe that we can make this into something that will last
Last forever, forever

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Do you catch a breath when I look at you?
Are you holding back like the way I do?
'Cause I'm trying and trying to walk away
But I know this crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
This crush ain't goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy
Goin' away-ay-ay-ay-ayy

2008-11-08T01:37:00.004+08:00

halo people. i woke up today with a sudden urge to cry out loud when my mind and body went insanely crazy with unwanted mixed emotions. and to add to my misery, the thoughts of the unexpected that had happened the night before forcing its way back into this screwed up head of mind. it was totally uncalled for. i rmb resorting to panadols to sleep. and finally after abt an hr of tossing and turning, my body gives in and i fall into a deep sleep till the nxt morning. went to school early to have a short project discussion. manage to give my full attention through out the whole lesson. when the clock strikes 5, i was off to cineleisure to meet the ladies for a movie. ouh yes... i admit, i felt so suah ku. haha. but our movie is on the 0720 time slot. so it was still rather early. me and the ladies decided to head to an opposite shopping mall. dropped by HMV. there, we encountered a hilarious scene where this INTERESTING lady who was listening to some music with full of emotion! and practically sang along too. she's IN THE ZONE. gosh. me ladies cant help but laugh. when we took another last glance at her, her face was glowing with tears! WOW. she must have had some deep connection with the song. lol. ouh wells. the movie was awesome. its hsm3 btw. harhar. glad i got through the day. so thats it for now. so long.

me ladies. =)

2008-11-07T01:04:00.000+08:00

hello. hello. today is quite an exciting day i must say. work in the morning, fisbee in the evening and Vijay's birthday celebration. where shall i start? hmm. work was rather slack. its so boring. gosh. there was really very little guests who came. i ended up working full day coz Tini has to go for an interview. and i happened to be free. since my project grp is not having a meeting. and i stayed for the fisbee thingy. i can only watch lah. i was wearing slippers sehh! scary. even when i watched them play, gosh. so ON. if i were to play with slippers, DIE. after the game, my faded jeans will make me look as if im suffering frm serious diarhea and couldnt hold my urge. lol. it was fun watching. hilarious. -TO BE CONTINUED-
stop thinking straight due to some unforseen reasons.

2008-11-04T01:13:00.000+08:00

hello. wee. im happy today. happy. happy. happy. aniways i worked half-day today. and my counter was short of 10bucks! TEN! pantat. who ever took the extra change and didnt give it back, harap kau mati terkincit. aniways, vijay was nice enough to pay for me 1st. of coz i did pay him back. hope it gets to him though. sch resumes tmr. man... so lazy. okay. i suddenly was reminded of something. it happened when the bp clan visited NS. since its halloween, some of us had dripping blood on part of our faces. like eyes... mouth... forehead or something. but raidah had nose bleed. =) I KNOW! hahahahahaha.

2008-11-03T00:25:00.002+08:00

hello hello! oklah... why not i upload some pictures ehh? pictures frm way back frm 1st day of raya at kampong. and and... got myself my very own cammie! now im so on to take pictures. hoho.

first pic i took with the new camera. my feet!

dian and me @ the pantry

my tkt counter.

my tkt counter2.

my seniorr, ida and liah, my gila buddy at tkting.

me and ida. heheh. dont mind the messy hair. busy day. no time for that.

Rini, Ida, Dian & Dana. Ida test driving my new camera.

presenting the entrance of my kampong.

my granny's place.

my granny's place 2

my granny's place 3

nenek and ayah.

night safari outing. picture taken with FRIENDLY clowns.

2008-10-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

I feel what I've been feeling for you
Means I am falling for you
Something's opened up inside of me
And I dream in shades that only can be
The colors of you and me
I think we both know what that means
I stand inside this promise I've made to myself
But I was meant for you

If I fall
If I break
If I lose myself in someone
If I give all I am it will be with you
When I'm ready to take all that you want me to give
It will be worth the wait
Worth the wait
It will be worth the wait

My heart
I wanna save it for you
Don't want it broken into pieces
I need myself to be whole
Could we
Just sit and talk awhile
Just want to see your smile
Feel your sunlight shining over me

If I fall
If I break
If I lose myself in someone
If I give all I am it will be with you
When I'm ready to take all that you want me to give
It will be worth the wait
Worth the wait

Worth all the
Long nights dreaming of forever
Someday we will be together
I know it will happen
So worth the wait

Please wait for me

If I fall
If I break
If I lose myself in someone
If I give all I am it will be with you (Yeah, yeah)
When I'm ready to take all that you want me to give
It will be worth the wait
Worth the wait
It will have been so
Worth the wait... yeah, yeah, yeah
I will be worth the wait

2008-10-16T01:35:00.000+08:00

hello. i just wanna let out some stuff before i go to sleep. hmm. school has been alrite so far. we are combine with another class which is from a batch after my class started. DTF 09/10. they're okay... they're quite a smart batch i must say. very challeging. and they have the biggest group of Singaporeans ever... compared to "mine". ouh wells. the Birdpark clan went to Night Safari last friday to experience the holloween event they're having. it was really cool. SERIOUS. i highly recommend it. met a few new staff also. the next day, me, my brother, raidah, hafeez and dian head over to ida's hse for raya. hana and mei way joined slightly later. it was fun! food was good. food is always good when its free. hoho. been working a wee bit more these days. just to occupy myself during project work days. and someone at work has been a whole lot nicer and friendlier to me than usual. *ahem* hehe. maybe im just over analyzing it. work has been better. notice a few new eye candy for motivation. hohohaha. aniways, this guy that i have been noticing for some time turns out to be something different than expected. or shall i say "typical". alrite, i think i shall stop here. got a class tmr at 9am. so long. AND YA! I MISS MY BIG BROTHER!! hope he's doing well. =)

2008-10-07T02:13:00.000+08:00

okay. hello hello... lets make it a quicky one. first let me wish all my muslim friends, Selamat Hari Raya!! i went to my kampong in melaka on the first day of raya. and came back also on the first day. wee. my bro drove all the way. he took only 2+hrs to reach there. woo. i just cant believe that my kampong is just a 2hrs drive away. will upload 1 or 2 pictures soon. didnt manage to snap much. and well... whats been up recently? tmr school is resuming. and my brudder is going for his national service in CD. will be sending him there tmr with mama. today to be exact. haha. so many events going on this mths. avenged sevenfold is coming to town. and i've looking for a willing person to tag along with... anibody interested, please tell me... aniways i got a deal from someone to get a pair of tkts at $75 each. its the early birds price which we cant get anymore now at sistic. its now going at $95 each. so please just inform me anione who is interested. okay... my hands are tired. haha. so im off. so long.

2008-09-06T01:36:00.001+08:00

i've just wasted 3 hours of my life following my family to johor. and i was in the car all the way. i felt like i was in my own little Singapore all the way. even though i was physically in Msia. i just refuse to go out. well...1stly, i was force to go. as a result i missed my ghost whisperer, 1 night 2 days, hannah montana... what else?? i could have watched like 10 million shows on tv. haha. aniways... i've been working these pass 3 days. tkting all the way as usual. and by the time it reaches 3pm, my mouth is totally dry. im not complaining though. haha. so dont get me wrong. i love working. i love arranging my stuffs SUPER neatly. im a freak i tell you. you wont see a recipt or money out of place. gosh. but when it comes to my handwriting, cannot make it. like primary school student's hard-writing. and and btw, Felicia Chin came to bp today... and apparently, only i saw her. hmm. strange. i could have taken a picture with her... but i was alone at that time. and the Q was quite long. blehss.. im a big fan know! too bad. oklah. i've run out of things to say. so long.

2008-08-30T00:21:00.002+08:00

okay. hello people. lynette, lets just forgive and forget ya? i hate all this things lah. too much drama. i cant handle. not my thing. coz im a softie. and the only way of release for me is to blog at that point of time. and just so you people know, the previous post was actually a post on 3 "subjects" jumble up together. partly abt lynette, my mother and a guy. so lynette, chill. i was going through quite a crappy day. and im sorry that you have to read that. and that i've made you upset. but im glad we've clear things up lah. indirectly. haha. coz i've just read your blog too. this term was the 1st term for me to be working with mostly Singaporeans on the projects. it was a little refreshing i must say. i can no longer tell whether someone is being sarcastic. seriously. so i was quite confused and didnt know wat to expect. when you made that comment, i gave you a chance to explain yourself when i ask "what is that suppose to mean?" but you didnt. so i took it as a negative comment. and as a result also, i got really paranoid. whether i have contributed enough to the project work. that shud explain why i was being so hardworking suddenly. and considering the project standards that they set last sem. i was quite worried that my work will not be up to their standard. and when i said put up with your crapp, i was also referring to my ma. she's been really naggy these days. gosh. i want to crapp more. but she's my ma. so forget it. well, i did the best i could in the projs. and its over now. a burden off the shoulder. exam mode now. and lynette i still remember wat you did for my birthday kay. thank you so much for the cake. really. i really appreciate it. just so you know, it was the one and only cake for my birthday this year. so thank you much much. glad that i could share that special moment with you guys. =) aniways, i was playing Sims just now wnet my 10 year old keyboard suddenly went senile. so i save my game and quit. gosh. it cant stop pressing 33333333333333333 and dddddoooooowwwwwwnnnnnnnn. jeez. isit trying to tell me some secret message or code? "3 floors down???" "3 oclock, go down???" "3d 3d 3d 3d??" hahha. aniways, i think its abt time i bought a new keyboard. if pay is in, i shall head down to the pc show and get myself a new one. and maybe do some survey on nintendo ds. wee... the staff outing is cancel due to some reason. and now i got a whole day tmr...! so long people.

2008-08-29T00:53:00.001+08:00

gosh. the other day my heart was beating so fast coz i was happy. now my heart is beating fast coz im angry. okay... its been so long since i was this angry. in fact, im furious. it took alot of self-control not to punch my cheapo CRT monitor screen. i've been really patient at tolerating your nonsense. seriously. you have insulted me. whether its unintentional or not, at this point of time, i dont give a fuck. i dont understand why people can be really egoistic. spare a thought please. and think before you talk can? and try to control your emotions lahh. the whole world doesnt need to know your crapp. gosh. all this time i've been forcing myself to accept who you are. and i've been extremely nice. and tried not to think so much abt it. but instead, as days passed, you have showed me your true colours. but heaven is on my side. i no longer have to go through this. coz its ending. so screw you.

2008-08-26T22:29:00.001+08:00

why is my heart beating so fast? i feel as if im having a minor heart attack *touch wood*. why do you make me feel this way? i hate you for that. i really do. but i still cant help being under your spell again. shouldnt let you torture me so sweetly. now i cant let go of this dream. i cant breathe but i feel good. i bet you dont even know that you're making me feel this way. just your presence had made me feel as if i got a thousand million butterflies in my stomach. part of me is selfish enough not to let you go. i crave for your presence coz it makes me happy that at least for that split second you have thought of me. though to you it may not mean a thing. and i know in the long run this will only hurt ME. ME. ME. ME. no matter how hard i try to get away from you, you'll still come running back. WHY?!?! damn.

2008-08-21T00:40:00.006+08:00

hello. hello. its abt time for me to update my blog. haha. aniways, in this post, i will just upload some pictures on recent events which is KL and my birthday.
click on the picture to get the bigger picture alrite.

so long. peace out.

2008-08-11T22:00:00.001+08:00

hello. im back frm KL peeps! and back to sch. blehss. the KL trip was O.K lah. haha. it was fun. and before boarding the train, i bought Breaking Dawn at City Square's MPH. haha. so last minute. aniways... started reading it in the train. and i finished reading it yesterday. gosh. i gotta say i love and hate the book at the same time. its the 4th and last book but it keeps giving me this shitty feeling all the time after reading it. not say shitty lah. the word doesnt give justice to the book. haha. normally after reading any book, i will just okay... that's it. but it doesnt happen to this book. the characters will keep creeping into my head. it irritates me! and i swear i will lose my mind if this goes on! and i'll be the insane gerl who thinks vampire and werewolves exist. omg. im so scared of the book now. i dont even dare touch it now. not until i'm at least 75% over it. haha. nuts. its driving me off the wall! i'm trying to read a new book to cleanse myself off this crazy stuff. though i know it wont take long until im into this fever again coz the movie is coming out in December. gosh. i want die. ok. lets stop talking abt it. haha. aniways... abt the KL trip. it was MIDDLE-EASTERN SEASON in KL now. it's crazy! its like everywhere you turn, you will see them. gosh. i'm quite lazy to elaborate further. as usual. haha. sorry! i'll upload the pics soon too. so long.

2008-07-30T23:57:00.001+08:00

hello. why am i feeling so hot? gosh. i think its the weather. aniways, i've been busy with school, work and planning of the KL trip. it's preety much finalised. 9 of us. most of us are from birdpark. except for my cousin, Faezah! yeahh. initially it was just 4 of us. now, NINE! gosh. its gonna be so kecoh. we will be taking the train to KL on 4 aug at 2215hrs. and we'll be reaching at 0600am in the morning! hehe. and we will be going hotel hunting. hopefully the chosen hotel wont be fully booked. coz im so looking forward to staying at that hotel. actually there is so much to do there! so little time. we will be staying for a period of 3D2N only. and especially when msia mega sale is on. waduh2. how sehh... we'll see how it goes. before leaving for KL, i want to make a trip down to borders to get my hands on the book, Breaking Dawn first! woohoo. then i can read it during the looong train ride. wee! okay enough of that. dont wanna get too excited. now im also thinking abt my plans once i graduate from TMIS. shud i further my studies? or get a full-time job? or work full-time for a period of time and save up enough to ~~get married~~ further my studies. coz i definately dont wanna stop upgrading myself up till a diploma only. hokay lah. let's see how it goes.

2008-07-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

things is pretty shits right now. i got a stopid fucking cunt as a brother. seriously, he's an asrehole. i've been planning to go to malaysia for a holiday. and i've been waiting for his confirmation for like forever. ehh! if you dont fucking want to go, just say ahh. dont need to bullshit lah. i've put so mush effort to plan things. and yet this had to happen. wtf. i seriously feel like punching his face. it took me alot of self-control not to. coz if i did, im the one who will get hurt and not him. so why bother. aniways, i really hope things will work out for SA. i cant express in words how much i love spending time with the SA peeps. its with them that i feel so happy. im gonna be so down if things doesnt work out. and im gonna do anything in my power to help. so long people.

2008-07-14T22:54:00.000+08:00

hey there. school resumed today. the 3 modules im taking now is visitor attraction management, tourism research, and economics. im so excited on visitor attraction management. i think the knowledge will be very useful for me in the future. and for the first time im looking forward to doing projects. so long as im not doing it with a bunch of lameasses, i'll be fine. im so happy to be back in school. school will keep me on track. if not, i'll be just aimless. nuthing to work for. i ought to find myself something interesting to keep myself occupied. hmmp. any ideas?? i got an idea! i could read all the books in the world!! i love reading, but hates libraries. how? buy books!!! hehe. got money? NO. miss universe thingy just had to be on tv right now and ruin my monday. i was so looking forward to prison break and lost. i love me soome PB and Lost. blehss. i just cant understand the excitement they feel abt finding the most gorgeous woman in the world, but at the end of the day, its not the winner who will get most of the limelight. but the one who trips and fall while walking on the runway. jeez. haha. okay. im gonna go read my book and get some rest. so long people.

2008-07-13T22:29:00.001+08:00

hello. bye.

2008-07-05T01:59:00.000+08:00

hello...! sorry for not updating. im just plain lazy lah. and im in working mode now. but i mostly spend my free time playing Sims 2. gosh. love that game. aniways, the concert went smooth. thanks cuzzies for coming to support. much much appreciated guys. and i miss the SAs!! ahh. cant wait to see some of them tmr. wee! hehe. work has been hokay lah. same old same old. just some fuck-up people have to spoilt it lah. as usual. the lame ass customers. and a colleague of mine. eh screw you lah. if you want to act like some big shot know it all, eh... not to me lah. if you say "dont worry. im not new here." THEN HOW NEW DO YOU THINK I AM WORKING AT JBP?? asshole. im so insulted. besides those lameasses, there's still wonderful staff ard that i love working with. Yew Ming (pictureworks). damn that dude is hilarious. Tiffany (GR). only she gets to call me "Big Bird" ahh. and lots more lah. but those 2 are the highlights for today. after work i went to my grandmother's place. damn. i missed her. then Uppa fetched me home. its been so long since i sat on his vespa. cool shits lah. i want to have my very own vespa one day. i love the feeling of the wind blowing. very chilly but cool. hehe. aniways... i have inserted a countdown thingy for twilight's lastest sequel BREAKING DAWN. ahh!! cant wait! okay. that's it. so long.

2008-06-28T01:16:00.000+08:00

yeah! concert's tmr peeps! no. TODAY!! yippe! im fucking excited. i cant wait. gosh. its been how long since SA perform? erm. 3-4 years. its definately what we love doing. and to add to this wonderful event, im doing it with a bunch of my besties of all time. gosh love them loads. hope everything goes well. i ought to be off to bed ald. so... those going for the concert, see you guys there alrite? lets go go go!!

2008-06-26T11:27:00.000+08:00

Day after day
Time passed away
And I just can't get you off my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I can't find
The courage to show to letting you know
I've never felt so much love before
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
if I let you go?

Night after night I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you
You speak to my heart
It's such a shame we're worlds apart

I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me?
How will I know
if I let you go ?

Once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me

Will I ever see you smiling back at me?

How will I know...

2008-06-25T23:30:00.005+08:00

hello. woke up at 12pm today. so much for planning to go jogging in the morning. gosh. ifah sucks. shortly after that, i left home for smb. nothing much to say. you guys just have to really up your game. no time for NONSENSE. i was seriously just appalled. but i decided to just laugh it out. it was totally uncalled for. too dramatic. i can predict that it will infact happen again. mebbe not anytime soon. but IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN. coz all these time, all words went into deaf ears. i hope you guys will prove me wrong. yeah. that will be good.

gosh. it pains me. seeing you hurt. i want so bad to go to you and say "everything will be okay and i'm here for you." wipe away all of your tears. but no. nono. cant let myself fall deeper. fall deeper to a hole that i know where i'll be alone. im terrified at the thought of it. i wish i could simply block my emotions out. just bury it deep inside of me and never let it out. but i'm all tangled up in you. i felt like an emotional basket case again. laughing, sighing, screaming, dreading to myself. am i going mad? or just a fool in love? unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you.

2008-06-25T00:19:00.002+08:00

hokay. i've been really updating my blog often lately. ever since i got my own comp and my room settled. haha. well... what can i say abt today's paper? DIE. haha. the answer are in my head. but i couldnt get it out of my head. haiya. just prepare the money ifah. money. met raidah after my MICE paper. met her at bugis, while waiting, i also happened to be a part-time informaton counter there. gosh. people asking me directions all. walao. mebbe my face have the customer service officer face lidat. or maybe i just look approachable in other words, look "friendly". wahaha. dont puke kay. aniways i was more than happy to help. helping people is good. lol. then raidah came and we chilled at mac's till johnathan arrive. he didnt really change that much as we had expected. haha. -_- he just got taller. aniways, he's like such a sweet boy. so we had dinner and just hang-out after that talking abt band stuff. then headed home with raidah. and i sold 3 tkts today to my cousin. yippee. at least sumthing. hehe. as im typing this post out, im msging mustaqim at the same time. gosh. the joke of the day :

muz: where you want to meet tmr?
mus: i anithing.
muz: kay. i watever ahh.

3 more days to go before concert.
so exciting!

2008-06-24T10:52:00.001+08:00

hey ya'll. i just finished reading my notes. tot of just clearing my thoughts here. i was a little emoish last night. now im just having some side effect. haha. got such things? i was studying a awhile yesterday but couldnt concentrate. and i ended up hitting stuff... including my head. gosh. this is so irritating. why do you have to be a part of life now and mess up my life?! yea. my life is pretty messed up. i shud be concentrating on my exams but instead, i just cant stop getting distracted so badly. my thoughts can really go so far! and i had to knock myself to stop the thoughts from killing me. while reading my notes, i may be reading... but my mind could simply drift away but IM STILL READING! like wtf lah ifah. MICE paper is at 2 today. i seriously dunnoe wat to expect today. might be meeting raidah after the paper. mebbe i can go for a little jog tonite. MEBBE. haha. well i think its refreshing jogging at night. breathing in the night air and maybe do some thinking. yea. mebbe i will go jogging.

-i shouldnt love you but i want to.

2008-06-23T21:25:00.003+08:00

hello. study for a awhile today in the morning. hehe. then head to smb for sembwinds band prac. still need to do lots of work guys. you know wat? i've decided to let it go ald lah. its not my band ald. i belong to SA. but i'll still support you guys kay! jiayou! all i can say now is "kay sara sara... watever will be will be." (without the tune!) hahha. and i got to take a picture with isaac today! weehoo! let me show you the DIFFERENCE. he had to like bend downwards coz im *ehem* short. aniways, when i showed him his sec 1 picture, he cant even reconised himself. gosh. hokay. im off to study for my exams now. enjoy the pic. lol.

before

after

2008-06-22T18:41:00.019+08:00

hello. im back again! just wanna share with you guys a few pictures of me and my section. from Chun Leng's batch up till Isaac's batch. enjoy. i personally like the picture of me and isaac. hoho. so cute.

2008-06-22T14:14:00.001+08:00

hello. im been thinking alot lately. on what will happen to SA after the concert. hmm. to tell you the truth, i've been rather happy these pass few days. going for band practice, meeting my friends, having fun and making music. just like the old times... well, it was afterall the best days of my life. and i finally yesterday laughed till my tummy hurts. yay! horray! thanks to mustaqim. spent a few hours at sunplaza just chilling with the guys. i just like it when we can talk abt something and anything. haha. and back during band prac, i decided to take sembwinds tubist myself. and really do something. instead of PLAYING SOCCER in the store room. gosh. those dudes never learn. so i took isaac and congkak? chong kang? hahaha. jeez. they're like little puppies lah. must manja them. walao. they complaint to me abt some stuff. and i've come to a conclusion that its not their fault that they're at that state. but there's no point complaining abt the pass. so i told them that since im here and still want to help you guys, take advantage of this opportunity and gain as much knowledge as possible from me. hopefully things goes fine for them. they're my juniors man. how could i just do nuthing?

2008-06-20T23:22:00.000+08:00

hello! had a GOOD rest today. slept till like ermm. 3. hahaha. pig sia ifah. neways... stayed and help the tubist yesterday. still need lots and lots of work to do guys. firstly, you need to work together. then the rest will fall in its place slowly. haha. that helps. well... that's a start for you guys. while sitting with the tubist during their practice, i nearly fall asleep. nono. i fall asleep! for like a split second. gosh. so tired. not really tired. just that my eyes are giving in at that point of time. haha. it got so tired after looking at some hotstuff. hehe. ssshhhhh... okok. just finish watching Supernatural. DEAN is what i call a hot as hell piece of meat! haha. sick sia ifah. haha. yeah! tmr is the last band practice before the concert. so looking forward to it. i simply cant wait! ahh. now i want to go have my shower and sleep with happy dreams. so time will pass faster till tmr comes!! wee!

2008-06-19T08:15:00.000+08:00

hello. finally a post from me ever since i got my new comp in my room. hehe. just been lazy lah. mebbe becoz i have nuthing to say before this. aniways, HRM exams yesterday is a GONNER. i can confidently say that i'm gonna fail this paper. i have to start saving up for the retake papers ald. jeez. this semester is such a... blehss. hokay. so for yesterday, after my paper, i went straight to Nanyang Girls for the concert rehearsal. but apparently someone isnt very helpful. *ehem* i ask her is the sch name SCGS. she bloody said YES. gosh. and i got lost. wasted my ezlink card money. well, i manage to find my way and made it there in one piece. then after the yaddas yaddas. head back to school and we had our reflections moment. and my section had a section talk too. it was fun lah. they are so CUTE. gosh. seriously. omg. but it was definately interesting. my juniors actually still remembers wat i said to them back then. i dont even remember myself saying that. haha. i was kinda sad that theres no bond in the section. they are like strangers to each others. esp for Dexter and Isaac. i tot they were bestfriends at a point of time. but it doesnt seem to be the case now. wat i love about my section is the bond. it has always been there. with the bond, i feel that we could overcome anything together. how can you work 2gether when there's a little conflict goin on?? and i dont think anione would want to play as good when they are unhappy rite? i will only look forward to coming for band when the mood is right. i better go shower. after that, im off back to school! im gonna help them put things together. you can do it guys. FIGHTING!!

2008-05-30T23:24:00.000+08:00

randomss...
i cant remember the last time i laugh so hard till i cried.
i cant remember when was the last time i was truly happy abt sumthing.
i cant remember when was the last time i was rearing to go!
i cant. i cant. i cant. i cant. i cant. i cant. i cant. i cant.

2008-05-21T22:23:00.000+08:00

omg... im running out of patience seriously. jeez. my blog template has been screwing up on its own. maybe its the computer. i dunnoe. when i cant fix it, i decided to change the skin. and when i did, like nearly finish!! and it change back on its own to the old skin. argh !! something is playing games with me. and i dont like it !! i cant wait for my bro to format this comp. gosh. its too full with stuffs... and i cant wait to have my own comp. coz i dont like sharing!! my bro is such a pain in the arse! since the bloody comp is in his room and i want to use it for project work. and i cant coz he wants to sleep! arghh. man... lets just move on. there's so many events coming. projects due date and presentation. then exams then concert rehearsals. then finally the actual concert. gosh. speaking of projects, I CANT FUCKING STAND IT WHEN MY GROUP MATES KEEP BUGGING ME!! asking..."so what shud i do? what do you want me to do?" FUCK YOU!! use your bloody brains lah. must you wait for me to order you around? maybe i shud just ask you to go and eat shit! would you do it? be independant for once lah. and during group disscussion, you bloody hell didnt contribute, keep repeating what i say only. ouh gosh. and please dont bloody hell ask us to speed up when time is running out. agrh. you've even requested to be in the same group nxt term becoz you're so happy when you're in this group. damn... im so tempted to seriously bitch slap you. wake up lah. no way in hell im wanna have you people in my group nxt term. i'd rather have a small group that does equal work than having a big group with lazy asre people. okay. maybe you're just not that SMART. but at LEAST make a fucking effort! dont tell me that you haven slept for days becoz of the projects. THAT'S THE BIGGEST BULLSHIT EVER! you expect me to buy that. screw you. and when i look at the work you gave me. gosh! i can vomit GREEN blood seriously. you need 3-4 days w/o sleep to do a copy/paste work?? even a 6 year old can do that in 30 minutes. gosh. gosh. gosh. since you want so bad for me to become leader, i'll be one. i've had it. You're a dead piece of meat.

2008-03-29T11:17:00.000+08:00

im so excited to be going back for band tmr. wee !! meet all the peeps... and now im listening to the recording of sembwind's syf year 2003. jeez... those were the days. listening to it has never fail to make the hair on my neck to stand. gosh. ahhh... so exciting!! cant wait to catch supernatural later too. k bye people.

2008-03-16T13:42:00.000+08:00

hello. okay. today marked the 5th time me coming to work when its suppose to be my freakin' off day. JEEEZ. how lame can i get. stupid fuck lah you ifah. im so angry at myself. i could have went to johor with mum and bro. and mostly, i could have slept slightly longer !! i was so tired lah. aniwaes, boss gave me some paper work to do. once completed, i had to count the number of dustbins are there in the park with Dian. i was half dead lah... by 12. up hill down hill up hill down hill. downstairs upstairs. omg. but while we were at waterfall aviary, we decided to talk to my friend Gan who was doing the bird feeding. he said "give me your hand" i was okay... pap ! there was a bunch of worms on my hand. they are very much ALIVE !! ugh. gross. i can still remember the feeling of it moving around my palms. eee. so i quickly held my hands higher so the birds will quickly eat it up. and true enough, it was soon all gone. then he wanted to pass me 1 cricket to feed the birds with. i was like NO WAY!! haha. aniwaes, it was a fun exprience. we took some pictures as well along the way. i love the pic i took with the sign that says Do not feed the birds blah blah... with the swan beside it... so cute!!

2008-03-13T17:04:00.000+08:00

i have too many things *ifah falls off the chair* going on in my head right now. so many things to do. but i cant recall any of it now!! how!! omg. i cant think straight. everything is all over the place. jeez. and yeah. speaking of falling off the chair. hahahoho. stupid ikea foldable chair. haha. i was adjusting my sitting position. and bang. i was on the floor. and my sleeping brudder at the back fidgeted. harhar. its that time of the month again. man. i hate it. everything on your body will start to hurt. i cant wait for my hols. so exciting. i think im gonna just chill and find interesting things to do like learn how to use the sewing machine, hit the gym, go swimming, explore more of s'pore, and so many things lah. just one problem. i dont want to do it alone. no fun. interested parties, get back to me horite! mebbe i shud just start to head back to bbdc to continue on my course. im like totally abandoning it. but there's been so many freaky accidents lately. it just shook me a little. mebbe i shud just get it over and done with. and forget about the whole thing. hmm. but then again, mebbe not. ahh! ouh we'll see... hokay. i got a few stuff... well. erm shoes i mebbe want sell off. so here's some pictures of it.

those are basically size 9/10 shoes. and brand new! only wore like once. except for the green one. mebbe wore like 2-3 times. still new hokay! if you like it, and mite consider purchasing it, tag me horite? hehe. okay. thats it. bubye.

2008-03-13T03:38:00.000+08:00

hello ! im done with marketing exam. next will be introduction to travel and tourism on friday ! annddd... im not motivated to go study again !! booo !! so lazy. went jogging alone today. i hate going alone lah. actually, it wont make a difference even if i go with someone... we all jog in different speed !! went jogging with Faiz recently. jeez... he's like the Subaru and im the hyundai matrix. hahah. of coz lah. he's stamina is there due to all the intensive training from NS. hoho. and i cant believe he still thinks that he's fat! FAIZ!! I'LL KILL YOU! haha. hokay. nxt topic. ermm... well, been to Zoo again lately. to have breakfast in the wild! took pictures with the Orang utans. it was hilarious !! see the pictures to believe it.

my expression is priceless!! whaha. here's wat happen. while i was standing there smiling, i felt a slight thud on my head. and i freaked !! look at the first pic. that orang behind me was kinda eyeing on my cap or sumthing. hahaha. dont ask why i freaked, i just did. =) and i think the orangs just had their haircut! it looks horrible! the haircut i mean. orang utans are beautiful creatures hokay!! the zookeepers must have place a bowl or sumthing on the orangs for the haircut. haha. there's 1 little male baby orang too. Labu i think. he's soo cute! but so naughty! always getting scoldings from the keepers for disturbing others. others as in the other orangs. hehe. hokay. that's it for today. bye!

2008-02-26T13:43:00.000+08:00

hey people. hope you guys are doing good. coz it has been a crazy emotional ride for me for the pass few days. i cried 5 times today. a burden off my shoulder today after my presentation for tourism marketing project is done. tho i was a little dissapointed. its okay. i will use it as a stepping stone for me. and i will do better in future and make my momma proud!! i would like to thank my bestest bestie ever... JOEY. for helping me. she's a true friend. and i love her loads...! i want to see us share our life together till we grow old and have our own family. i really do. and we would look back and laugh about the special time we spent together. work was fun yesterday. haha. i left early at about 3 coz i need to finish up on the projects. i was at photography with this guy for 2 hours. *wink wink* but i made full use of the 2 hours to get to know him. haha. and i got his number... weehooo!! but... just got to know that he's attached. ouh wells... it was a day to remember for me. i asked a guy for his number for the first time!! ahh! normally i will just coward out. it was fun. i had fun. he made my day. im trying my best to be as positive as possible. but its funny how i feel so rejected! and as if i dont deserve anything good. i feel so horrible inside right now. i might need some time to find myself again. its damn pathetic i know. something good for today will be my dear friend Sumithra had made my day better... by saying that she's proud of me. she's proud of having a friend like me. im not being boastfull here... just wanna say that its important to tell your friends wat you really feel. it means alot. you never know if you'll ever get another chance.
love have succeeded in killing me yet again

2008-02-18T08:40:00.000+08:00

omg. im so stressed out right now. i can't stand it. seriously, at the rate my group is going with this project, i don't think we could make it before the deadline. unless i work overtime to finish it and clean up their shit. seriously. i hate pple giving me crappy work. i understand that their english is not really good. but you can't expect me to do everything. please at least make an effort!! understand fully wat is required and from there you can at least get something. They told me they want to finish the project fast, and yet they're doing this. wat the fuck. wat's the use of me dividing the work so each has a fair share of wat to do but at the end of the day, i'm the one giving ideas and correcting them. JEEEEEZZZZZZZ! and this is only the 1st term. im so scared to think of how im going to manage for the rest of the year. omg. omg. omg. when they submit their work, they're so proud of giving a damn long essay. and when i read it!! omfg!!! it's horrifying seriously. as a result i have to cut it short. then they become unhappy. telling me old grandmother story that they have sat down for HOURS thinking to produce that kind of work to seeing me cut their 5 SENTENCES to only 2. puh-lease lah. i dont want to hear your broadcast. you over there has been rotting at home during the holidays are the one who shud do more work!! i on the other hand is also working part-time to get pocket money for myself and also doing most the work for the project! WTF. thanks eh.

2007-12-28T13:31:00.000+08:00

hey ya'll! im starting sch again very very soon! im so excited and anxious. i really really wanna do this. put all my effort and energy to it. im so looking forward to 2008!!! 3 days left to do my part at birdpark. and afta that im off to sch ! Back to school! yippee! but i'll still be werking on the weekends. have to lah. need money. cant do without money when my school is right smack in town! yikes! and guess wat?! i just got a promotion! not really lah. just that my pay is increased! weehoo! to how much?? cant tell! haha. thanks so much lah boss. i owe you. hehe. wonder when my pay is coming in. damnit. im damn broke now. i have to borro money frm mum to top-up my ezlink card. jeez. shameless. and i got soo many things to buy in my mind ald! handbags, korean drama dvd and new clothes! b4 sch terms starts. ahhh!! so many things to do... so little time... help! i recently bought running shoes frm queensway tho. hehe. but its I.O.U frm mum. anione wants to go jogging with me?

2007-11-16T14:30:00.000+08:00

hello ! its owies so depressing for me the day after any gig... jeez. i swear to not buy anymore free-standing tickets. never. come to think of it. it isnt worth the money. you can't enjoy the music peacfully at all. it has become something that is not enjoyable. i'd rather buy cheaper seating tix now. you dont have to come early to Queue. no matter wat, your seats will still be there. haizz. it's a lesson learned my friends. aniwhoos... i really think i shud give a shout out to foreigners out there. how dare you step onto our soil and insult our pple. hey, we dont need you here. you can fucking leave for all i care. just fuck off please. and make the world a better place. im sorry. let me correct that. make Singapore a better place to live in. we pple here live in harmony. not like you fucking REDNECKS ! bitches ! arseholes ! i hate you pple! how dare you come to my country and destroy our peace ! it's really sad to see this happen right before my eyes. in my personal experience, when you come to someone else's soil, show them some respect and learn how to just except pple for who they are. it's none of your fucking business what we chose to believe. you have no right to judge or give any comments. i still remember the time when i went to thailand. i was so facinated by thier culture. i was just there to experience a wee bit of their lifestyles. you noe... just get an idea of different walks of life beyond Singapore. maybe karma's a bitch. since i know i have at least insulted some other foreign country. and it's just coming back at me. but, i just wanna leave with this last msg. why cant we live peacefully, respecting each other. and worry about even bigger things like global warming. hey the world will end sooner or later. but instead pple are out there killing each other, destroying lifes. wake up pple!! cant you instead get involve and do watever it takes to conserve the earth that we live in? it really saddens me. and i've been reading the papers lately. about the trickshaw rider... thats a classic example. in another case was an article about Singaporeans not liking foreign workers or not really welcoming them. why do you think that is so??? i know this post is a little bit messy. i cant help myself frm thinking all these thoughts. and i just feel that i shud let it out. and im known for letting my mind go a little bit too far sometimes. well, we'll see ya. so long.

2007-11-14T04:54:00.000+08:00

HALLO!! omg. i cant wait to see LP! wee!! but at the same time, im scared of the crowd lah ! very scared hokay !! i dowan to get crush ! and im short compared to others lah. i wanna go there early and Q. but it'd be a very long day if i do that. mebbe ard 3-4 lidat with bro and dee. thinking abt it is giving me BUTTERFLIES!! why isit that when i tell pple that im going for LP, they go like... wahh! ifah rich ! jeez pple. im not ! i werk my ass off hokay ! aniwaes, i hope the crowd isn't that crazy lahh... i cant imagine how Dee gonna handle it. since she's down with fever. jeez. okok ! i cant think anymore !! im damn NERVOUS!!! ok bye.

2007-11-01T13:55:00.000+08:00

hi ! omg. im gonna be so damn broke lah. Linkin park's gig just ard the corner. and i have to pay for my bro oso. cause he's too darn lazy to work ! jeez. $148x2=BROKE! and not forgetting MCR this coming dec. ahhh ! madness pple! Money is definately a factor for me. whahaha. wtf was that? nonsense sia ifah. okok. yesterday i went for my theory lesson at bbdc. and i saw someone frm the past. jeez. mat malaysia. mat malaysia. hehe. but seriously, he has turn into 2 different pple for the pass year. i cant believe he's the same guy i fell for before. well... it's all in the past now. oklah. i wanna catch Grey's anotomy now. i love me some GEORGIE !!

2007-10-31T05:01:00.000+08:00

hello people. watsup. watsup. im off today. yippee! but i miss my bestfriend at werk... i've yet to decide wat to call it. hmmp. woke up at 12 today. jeez. so early lah. i'll be helping mother to pay some bills. then over to the bank ! i want to change my bank book. to an updated version lahh. after that, i got a date with bbdc. nervous lah. actuallie there's nothing to be nervous about lah. baru theory lesson. *yakdizh !* i want to complete it asap. but... lazy lah. it's not that i dont have time, i do. ifah's just plain lazy. wat to do rite. if i have an ass bigger than my brain. hahah ! WTF?! i have to go jogging lah ! i'm gaining weight people ! that is NOT GOOD. oklah. i'm going for my shower now. so long.

2007-10-21T10:44:00.000+08:00

ola bitches !! i got something to show off...! a picture of me with Gunawan (Arman frm Hikmah) and his baby !! ermm... once again, dont comment abt my uniform. i dont wanna know. jealous tak?! haha. look at those biceps... Le sigh. dont drool kay! aniwaes, he's such a gentleman. seriously... he seems like a really nice person. this is a memory i will never forget. wee ! so happy ! now im just waiting for Pak Rizal (no idea what's his real name) to come to Birdpark. so long.

2007-09-22T13:11:00.000+08:00

hello. i better get a post done before my bro comes back... and before 10. Ghost Whisperer hokay ! well... i left starbucks ald. last wednesday. it was suppose to be my last day of training. wasted?? i could have been a certified barista. my manager nearly made me change my mind. but, i wouldn't budge! i want to get it over and done with. it was kinda sad lah. before i get more attached to the pple there, i better leave. becoz i would onli burden them if i continue werking. im having a hard time remembering stuffs like recipes. and im sure my late-coming will only get worst. rather than having a bad record, its better not to even have a record. till now, i still cant shake off my manager's face off my mind. i can see that he was dissapointed. i felt that i had dissapoint those who have coach me personally. im sorry pple. i really have to set my priorties now. which is start schooling again. in a way, having 2 jobs at a time made me realise that i dont want to be doing this... working towards nothing. just werk...? what kind of life is that. even if i wanna werk, i wanna have a good and proper one. for now, im just happy that i can put my full concentration on Birdpark and school. i so looking forward to school ! thou its not really confirm. still in a process. i miss school ! enough of work. school is what us youngster shud be doing at this age. haha. anyhoo... i've got some pics to share. okay... so long.

ilusi dude, Imran. dont comment on my uniform. i dont wanna noe.

the lorry flew into my shoulder! cute huh ?!

swensens date with Raidah!

see no evil.

me and my bbq chicken. yum.

raidah and her curry bake rice.

Funeral for a friend's gig entrance.

cool huh? the venue was small but the atmosphere was awesome.

this is me at the backstage ! the band has left tho. kwang3...

me and joey. we took a quick shot b4 joey have to get back to werk.
That's all folks.

2007-09-02T10:36:00.000+08:00

hi. today's my off day. and i happen to have the same off day as ernie. so, we went out 2gether ! hehe. i was late for like an hour. haha. nvm lah. i stopped by PH at centrepoint. it's still open. there's oso a new manager... haha. so weird. ok. after that me and ernie walked to far east plaza. but we stopped by heeren, ck tang, pacific plaza and finally, far east plaza. i was looking for a nice handbag. but cant seem to find something i really like. so... we decided to go bugis street. and i got something nice ! wee. i wanna use it tmr to werk. hehe. after dat was home sweet home. ermm. i also bought Elizabeth Arden green tea perfume yesterday. jeez. and not forgeting an adidas perfume too. i ought to shoot myself dead. seriously. ok bye.

22nd August 2007,

this post was meant for 22082007 but i cant seem to get it published. so there you go. "hello. im back ! hehe. my birthday went better than i tot. hehe. but except for the part that my mother actually tot my b'day was on 18 aug instead of 16!! yikes..! haha. but its cool. that's why my mum didnt wish me a happy birthday. instead she got mad at me for registering myself at bbdc. hmm. fasting month is just around the corner ! wee!! and i can tell that im gonna be damn busy this coming sept. i got myself another job. but im still werking at jbp tho. just a backup. in case. i got a job at starbucks. i'll be starting my training hopefully this coming monday. i guess i will be werking at starbucks mostly during the night. after bp. man! really hope i can manage. during my off days, i'll be off to bbdc. im glad that i'm still keeping the drive going. i cant afford to laz around like i use to anymore. or its gonna be hard for me to get back on track. i have a few things that im planning to complete and achieve this year before 2008. i really really hope things goes well. *cross fingers* i cant wait for hari raya oso ! i miss my couzzies back at mallaca ! tho i hardly talk to them when im there. haha. i only see them once a year sehh. i want to play mercun !! so happening ! oii! puase blum, nak hari raya ! taubat ifah. taubat... tsk...tsk... and to my bro, you still owe me my birthday gift ! cakap nak beli nari. bedek sehh! i was so looking forward to it lah. *KENA CHEATED* aniwaes, its wayy over the due date oso! got interest hokay ! must buy me 2 ald lidat. hokayhokay. that's all for now. so long!"

2007-08-11T14:34:00.000+08:00

hello hello! i just finish watching Ghost Whisperer. dang i love that show. so romantic lah kann. haiz. aniwaes, i wanna thank Raidah & Joey for the advance birthday gift. i got both in 1 day. im happy but it makes it less exciting when my real birthdate draws near. or mebbe there could be more gifts! this is just the beginning. muahaha. wait long long lah ifah. wait for 370 days more to be exact. haha. well, nuthing beats free stuffs. hehe. aniwho, i shall elaborate on the gifts. Joey bought me the very much awaited sequel to Twilight and New Moon, Eclipse! i love it! i couldnt wait to start. when she pass me the book, my hair stood at the very end!! i was so excited! but it didnt help much that i got it right before the day i was schedule to come back to werk. i ended up sleeping at ard 3am in the morning. but i didnt fall asleep just yet. i was much too excited to sleep. i was tossing and turning for an hour before i finallie fall asleep. raidah got me a pair of flips flops. coz i happened to be eye-ing it when i came to visit her at werk the other day. jeez! i could have eyed a more expensive one. like crocs or sumthing! hoho. kidding lah. thanks raidah! hearts you two gerls lah! thanks much much. muacks!!

presenting eclipse!

the flips and the flops.

ouh thanks raidah for the treat at Starbucks!

2007-08-09T07:22:00.000+08:00

i think there's a need for me to do this before i start werk tmr. i admit, i am scared. scared as hell... im scared to be making mistakes and cost more on the damages that has alredy been done. but then again, i donnoe how bad the damages is either. if this is his way of teaching me to improve, then he's not doing a good job. in fact, he's making me confused. you cant just give me the cold shoulder just like that and expect me to know the mistakes that i've done. pple dont see their own mistakes, coz in their eyes, they're just doing wat they think is right. so far, pple have just been feeding generously to your ego. how i wish this could all stop. you get angry when certain pple are showing bad examples towards the young ones. when you yourself are doing it, you claim that only you can coz you're the head. bullshit. i hate you. i wonder how you feel everyday, going home knowing that you have made a person feel bad, rotten, useless. do you actuallie get satisfaction out of this? or is your ego just hungry for more? this is just ridiculous. you're ridiculous. please god just give me the strenght to face this shit. so long.

2007-08-08T04:39:00.000+08:00

hello. here are some pics i would like to share.

okay... i skipped korean class yesterday. my 1st time skipping. coz i was so lazy to come down lah. i tot it was fine to skip since other department skips the class like nobody's business. but hell no. my manager call and ask what kind of attitude im giving him?!?! like wth?! there was no point in argueing with the big fat ego man himself. so... all i said was ok...ok...ok... sorry. argh! if onli i was bold enough to speak my mind. now im really NOT looking forward to come back to werk. i see if i can endure abit longer. if not, no point staying. but i really love werking there. i have really good friends there... haiz. i'll be meeting raidah later after her school. im trying to really enjoy the days i have before i start werk again. hokay. so long.

2007-08-06T16:24:00.000+08:00

harlew pple. i left with 3 days only! b4 i get my arse to werk everyday again! noo! im kinda enjoying the free life im having right now. today's the last day of baybeats. and i went down just to catch Bismuth. they're ok... after that we're off to suntec! to get my bro's staff pass! wee! finally... i can catch a decent movie. for free!! hoho. harry potter anione? i think this wednesday is the last day to catch harry potter. so, must catch! after suntec, we went to bras basah popular to buy another pair of headphones! hurhur. now me & my bro have like 3 headphones! wee! lastly, we headed to raffles hospital to eat at banquet. and now here i am in my room blogging. ok that's it. so long.

2007-08-05T15:59:00.000+08:00

harlow. i decided to use my old skin. simple and GREEN, hoho. aniwaes, im enjoying my 1 week break very much lah can. i went shopping the other day. jeez. i spend $100 just like that. i bought 3 pair of jeans at marsilling. an "olive" cardigan. i swear its olive green. but raidah kept insisting it was brown. gerl, i think u nid to get your eyes check. haha. kidding beb. went down to esplanade yesterday and oso today for baybeats. i love the Sallys. they're good. i sooo like the vocal's dance moves. hoho. and not forgetting his cool hairdo! heez. and ya. i bought sumthing new today oso. i bought myself audio-technica's stereo headphones! that is a must. coz im getting sick of my careless whisper. meaning my ipod earpiece. i can merely hear anything during the train ride. argh. so i've had it. i bought the headphones for 60bucks. and i happen to walk pass HMV today. they actuallie sell the same damn headphones for 87BUCKS!! yikes!! Warning pple! HMV is out to con you! 60bucks to 87bucks is ALOT of difference hokayy... saw my ite mates at topshop marina square today! Yazid, wat happen to your long hair! haha. Lina, preety as owies. Sheena, beb! you seriously think dat Dynn is cute!?!? and that he smells good?! harharhar!! (read that Dynn!) Melissa, great to see you again lah. ;P ok that's it for now. till then! so long.

2007-07-30T13:54:00.000+08:00

harlo. harlo. i cant wait for my 1 week break frm werk this august. tho i have no idea how the hell im gonna spend that week. i reallie hope i wont just rot at home. i left werk early yesterday and today... and im happy. haha. coz my august payday gonna be pathetic aniwaes. might as well. hurhur. but damn... tmr's monday and that means, KOREAN CLASS! darn. lazy lahh. urgh. nvm. 2 more classes left ! but later, when korean class ends, you're gonna miss it. (dont mind ifah talking to herself. its perfectly normal.) agrh. bossy boss is back frm bangkok. jeez. cant slack at werk ald. yikes lah. let's not talk abt the bossy boss. i shall talk abt vp now... i know i really shouldn't bother thinking abt him ald. since i know the truth abt him. but i cant help it lah. well, i gave up a little back then but ! he has to come and start talking to me. which he never done before. hmm. that's reallie helpful of him. and now, i even have a picture of him on my cell ! i want to forget but i'm not doing anything watsoever to achieve that. great ! "at least im not going around telling pple that i like him..."

2007-07-23T12:31:00.000+08:00

i wanna go esplanade for baybeats. anione wanna join me? im damn bored. i just wanna go out and have fun ! i wanna meet new pple. make new friends. kill old friends. hoho.

2007-07-16T08:47:00.000+08:00

hello. i've been wanting to update for some time now. finally had the chance to! today's my off day. wee! i slept for like..... ermm. 15 hrs! whoah. madness. im so exhausted lah. aniwaes, im currently feeling like a lost soul. werk has been... argh... my mind is always drifting off else where while im at werk. it cost me to be unfocus! mistakes here and there. jeez. i seriously need my motivation back. i want to be the person i use to be 2 months back. i've been getting shits frm my manager. damnit. it just brings me down. i hate being told off. argh!! forget it. i will face it with all i've got when it hits me. besides the bad things in werk. i shall talk abt the good stuff too. weeheehee. Vainpot! ahh. he's cute as hell... Le sigh. recently he had an accident. so poor-thing can! he ended up getting 5 days mc and it made me miss him! boo. hmmm. well, he kinda make it up for it yesterday when he come soo early to werk. eerm, earlier than usual of coz. damn... at that point of time, i wished that i was late to werk instead so that i would have bump into him in the pantry. haha. well... as usual VP with his helmet walking to feathers side entrance confident that its open ald. wahaha! well its NOT! yay! haha. he walked towards info counter to get to wings. ahh. cute. if only i could slow time down. i would have enjoyed it more. haha. the rest was like teasing him, calling him helmet head lah this lah. heehee. he's was kinda shy, looking down. aww. haha. then after some time, he walked back to feathers. thinking that the exit way to feathers is open. well, again it's not! weeheehee! this time his helmet is off ald. so... he had to walk the long way pass the info counter again. wahaha. during break my friend told me that she was watching me watching VP... haha. and she told me that i didnt take my eyes off him! gawd. i was embarassed! hurhur. okay... then later that afternoon, he found a black pouch. once you found something, you have to report it to the info counter. and damn! Vanessa happen to be there! argh!!! so he pass it to her. "Vanessa. nah... found at Birdshow." damnit. i nearly kill Vanessa. i could have gotten the chance to talk to him! i was even doing closing in the counter! damn!!! i turned to Vanessa and we had a conversation.

Ifah : "Vanessa. WHY ARE YOU HERE!??!?! damnit WHY?!".
Vanessa: "What you mean by why i'm here?"
Ifah : "I hate you".
Vanessa: *finally getting the picture...* "ouh.ouh. SORRY IFAH!!"

----------too late----------

2007-07-01T08:58:00.000+08:00

.............i'm so exhausted!............... and my next off day will onli be on this coming wednesday. i've been werking since last tuesday. i'm sick of the same thing everyday! i cant imagine how the seniors can endure 10 LOOONNGGG YEARS! i'm so sick of it ald that i actuallie couldnt give a shit that i was late. screw it. i need my motivation back. mebbe becoz pay is pathetic. or rather, im not grateful... i dunnoe. i see my life like a black and white tv.... can someone? sumthing? anything? turn it to a COLOUR tv...?? preety please...!?!? gosh! how time flys... today's the last day of the month pple! dat's mean august is drawing near and it will come in no time at all! im so looking forward to august... but at the same time, i reallie dont want my hopes and dreams to be shattered. how? i guess i have to accept my fate with an open mind. yeahh. werk today is the suckiest so far... it was dreadful. if i happen to watch myself on the cctv, i would be utterly disgusted! yawning away like noboby's business. passing all the werk to the new gerl. jeez... hehe. bully. bitch sia. ifah... karma. karma is the word. what goes ard, comes ard.

2007-06-27T14:18:00.000+08:00

i guess the previous shout out didnt werk... bbooo!! shud i give another shout out? or shud i just gather some balls and add him instead??? wahaha. aniwaes, i wanna wish the kiddies happy schooling!! nyaahaha. u noe... something good happen today. my eye-candy... he... he... so cute!!! such a gentleman! unlike vp. he actuallie hold the door for me to enter and when i smiled at him, he winked!! wahh. ifah's melting!!! okie... so im gonna try to talk to him more. cool. bye!

2007-06-25T14:43:00.000+08:00

im sooo tired lah can. lucky tmr off. i'm so gonna sleep like im in coma! but i still have to come down to the last place i ever want to be right now... which is BP! argh. for korean class. dang. i so lazy lah. i thinking of skipping. but poor-thing lah later sabrina. hmm. okok. i want to sleep soon. i just want to give a shout out first b4 i go. haha. "hey cute boy! yes you! you the one who pple call BEAR! add me lah msn!!! hurhur." siapa terase sila kan add saya di msn yer..... hope this werks. hehe. *cross finger* ta !

2007-06-24T14:51:00.000+08:00

okok. here goes a short post before i drift to dreamland. werked today as per usual. tired lah... crowded noe BP. i did penguin photography today. picky is so cute! like cat lidat. i went the extra mile to help this lady today. she wanted to give me tips. i want so bad to take the money coz im damn broke! im dry! squeezed dry pple! but i didnt take the money of coz. DUH! haha. haiz. wasted lah. hoho. i met this cute guy. i reallie hope he gets the "picture" and do sumthing lah!! add me at msn or sumthing. haha. tho the "picture" is not reallie that obvious. hehe. well... i can onli wait and hope for now. nite pple =>.

2007-06-23T13:11:00.000+08:00

hello. i got a sudden mood to do something to my blog today. and i did it ! yippee! well... i wanted to do it yesterday. but i decided that sims2 would be a better option. hoho. this skin is actuallie an old skin that i picked some time back. isit nice? okay... watever. all the skin that i choose reflects on the feelings i have currently. yeah. tho i think i dream too much. haha. hokay... pass few days was okay. was werking as usual. but im kinda bored of the job ald. hehe. part of the reason is becoz of the lack of cute guys werking at BP. muahaha. serious lack of cute guys! i will go crazy seeing girls all the time. hurhur. but its kinda better now... im starting to learn driving. driving panorail pple! not driving as in car driving. haha. but everytime i drove the panorail, i will end up having muscle ache the nxt day ! boo ! sooner or later my right hand will be hard but my left hand will be all soft! eww... lol. and2... guess wat? vp has been taking bus lately coz his bike is spoilt ! thank you god for answering my prayers! nyahaha. just kidding. well, i bet he's like wishing he had his bike coz this bapok was HITTING ON HIM the other day ! omfg! it was hilarious. the bapok was like... "****** rite? you so cute ahh!" wahahaha. the whole bus was filled with laughter after that. jeez... goodness! and of coz, vp was kinda blushing and also i can see that he was damn uncomfortable. weeheehee. okay. that's all for now... wanna go watch Ghost Whisperer. ta !

2007-05-27T12:11:00.000+08:00

hello pple. im so tired lah can...! haiz. but im good. get to see him. he's my medicine. hurhur. he's sooo cute ! he's sooo hot ! he's sooo adorable ! he's soo cool ! hoho. ifah has gone nuts ! my father is back home. resting. he's having MC till 1st of june. hope he stays away frm the hospital. hate that place! but... then again, there's quite a number of cute male nurse. hoho. esp this 1 guy. he drives a Mazda ! so cool. kinda hot. wahaha. ok stop. last korean class was better... i hope this coming monday's korean class, i will get a chance to talk to vainpot. u noe wat?! i made a fool of myself last korean class... well, not reallie during the class but after the class. i was walking with Sab to the carpark. when i left, i saw that vp was still a distant frm where i am... as i walk with sab, we were talking with the british accent ! haha. like harry potter lidat... we were happily talking. when we got distracted. so i turned behind, guess who's there !?! vp! yikes! he kinda have like this smiling/laughing face. jeez. i was embarassed lah can. okie. dats first... 2nd, he's so ungentleman! there's this disinfectant thingy when u enter and exit BP. i wanted to cross it. he was leaving... JEEZ! he just VROOM!! thru the water. nearly splash it on to me. i wanted to scream "whoi ! not happy can talk wat!" but. nah... i went silent again when im near him. dang. oklah. i wann play game. bye.

2007-05-23T04:30:00.000+08:00

hello. today's my off day... so i tot of blogging a lil' bit. im having mixed feelings right now. firstly, i'm dissapointed at my father. it seems like he cant reallie break the habit of smoking 100%. mum found tabacco in his trousers. it's really sad. why is he doing this to himself? now, he's in hospital coz his diabettic lvl rose, his leg is swollen again and he has got high fever... haiz. he was admitted yesterday. but couldn't get a bed coz the hospital was full. it came out in the news abt hospital having shortage of beds becoz of DENGUE2. my family reached SGH at ard 6pm yesterday... and only at ard 8am in the morning today that my father finally got a bed. i reallie hate the tot of hospital. seriously. i shall pray to God to keep my family away from hospitals. it's troublesome. you'll definately save alot of trouble if you're active and healthy. so please, you pple are still young. kick the habit now or suffer later. its reallie up to the individuals. its either you're thinking short-term or long-term. come to think of it, when you get older and having a family... and you get sick, the ones who really suffer during those times is NOT you. it's your family. think twice pple. those are the pple you love. your everything. nono. it pains you to see your family hurt and suffering rite... that means you got double shot of pain. so long.

2007-05-16T13:02:00.000+08:00

hello. im gonna try blogging... coz the other day, i posted sumthing, nuthing came out !! and it wasnt saved!! damn... so i shall try again today. let's make it short. today's my off day. slept till ard 12... wee! it feels nice. aniwaes, i wish dat i would meet vp in my dreams. guess wat? i did meet him again. lol. that's crazy. yesterday korean class was fun. i tried to look at him, but ! when i want to take a peep, he was looking... so i quickly look somewhere else. damn. then when i try looking again, this time he wasnt looking. but... his eyes shifted ! damn again! after dat, i didnt dare look. just look frm the corner of my eyes. haha. wat a fool. ok. so long.

2007-05-07T13:26:00.000+08:00

omfg !! ifah's going nuts !! omg! omg! omg! omg! omg! omg! omg! omg! i think im thinking too much of vainpot. i dreamt abt him again. no way ! jeez ! now, i want deja`vu !! (>_<) !!!! guess wat !?!?!! after all the wait, i can finallie attend the korean class !! wee !!! i cant vait ! i cant vait ! i cant vait ! i cant vait ! it starts tomoro !! im so excited lah can?! vainpot is gonna be in the class too. wahh. seriously cant wait. so excited... ouh. enuf. faiz ! damn you lah. im still angry with you. im not gonna talk to you. unless there's a need to. i help you werk ald... then you still gave me the cold shoulder. fine. fine. i have ald helped you alot as a friend. so screw you.

2007-05-03T10:49:00.000+08:00

yo peeps. im feeling so depressed right now... argh. all becoz of him. wtf? ifah... he's taking control of you. making you feel that way... my mind is in chaos with all the thoughts going through my mind. damn it. damn it boy. please do something to make me hate you will you? that will definately make my life easier. living in a dream of you and me. Is not the way my life should be.

2007-05-02T10:42:00.000+08:00

ahh !! im going crazy !! die. die. die. die. die. die. die. die. die. i have to control myself ! jeez. i like #$%@*$!! wat to do?! yikes. he's so hot. hot. hot. hot. panas ! i badly want to do something. but... wat if... it wont turn out the way i wanted. im scared. and oso, i dont believe that he doesn't have a girlfriend!! oklah. bye.

2007-04-29T13:23:00.000+08:00

heya. i hate this feeling that is in me. jeez. but i cant help it. why? and its not as if i never felt like this before. i did. tons of times. the onli cure that i could think of is time. i dunnoe how long it would last. 2mths? 3mths? all i know is that i will get through it somehow. even tough my mind says that but my heart demands that. its a constant battle. me fighting against myself. sometimes i wonder shud i take risks? or let fate do its thing. i can ask pple for advice. but at the end of the day, i'll be the one making the decisions. im constantly having these thoughts in my head. to cut it short, im having mix emotions. okie. lets move on to my day. today was an o...k... day fer me. things is starting to look like its back to normal. Vijay is gonna try to help me so that i can go to the korean class. i reallie want to go! but i shall not have high hopes. remember wat i said earlier? NEVER LOOK FORWARD TO ANYTHING. yeahh. something hilarious happened today. haha. a boy got injured. he was crying his heart out ! seriously. he was sitting at B&J. his toenail came off. and it was bleeding. and there i was... with the first aid kid. walking thru the retail shop. jeez. it was so embarassing !! at the same time kinda cool. haha. u noe, actuallie at that point of time, i felt like doing the sound effect of an ambulance. i was also fighting the urge to laugh coz when i was walking, the retail staff has this like smiling/laughing kind of expression. but i cant laugh ! its a serious situation !! waa haa haa. the boy was cute! i cleaned the wound and everything... to tell ya the truth, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL I WAS DOING ! yikes ! did my stuff, then left. hurhur. didnt get a chance to take a peek at him. or rather, i was shy. jeez. aniwaes im thinking of purchasing the ballerina crocs at feathers. it cost $52 b4 discount. after discount its $41. worth it? shud i? mebbe i shud give it a try. see wether it looks good on me first. b4 purchasing. i think that's it for today. i have to get to bed soon. werking as per normal tmr. so long.

2007-04-26T12:43:00.000+08:00

okie. im feeling depressed ! jeez. dunnoe why. nono. mebbe im just bored. werk was kinda fun. all the bird handlers were like cleaning up African Wetlands today. i get to see my new eye candy a hand-full of times. hurhur. so it was ard 5+ and they were all still hard at werk. Sabrina came to info and accompany me (yea rite...) since i was alone. then she said... "look at that african crane! i bet when johntan reaches info, its gonna fly out (escape)" and guess wat?! it did ! holy mother-fucking crapp!! it was so cool. instead of panicking, i was laughing. haha. of coz, all the bird handlers were like rushing out. it was fucking cool. some visitors were like freaking out. wat do ya expect?! its a damn huge bird ! and guess who caught it? hee hee. my eye candy! weehoo. that's hot. it was like whoah. "my hero..." cheh. stop dreaming lah! jeez. haha. then2. vijay told us this accident where another bird had escape. it happen some time back. this guy name Joe caught it. this is wat vijay said,"Joe carry the bird ahh. then he feel, the fella dead ald lah. joe go and cover the nose, eyes and everything. cant breathe. it died." wahaha. it was hilarious. but quite sad. haha. the bird died becoz of a stupid mistake. aniwaes, glad dat my eye candy was gentle enuf with the bird. hahaha ! okie dat's it. bye.

2007-04-25T11:51:00.000+08:00

h...e...l...l...o today is a extra super duper BORING day lah can !! the weather was like whoah !! so cold... so nice... the kind of weather dat draws you to bed ! yikes. it was horrible fighting with myself all day at werk... once werk was over, i turned to a zombie. or like a teenager suffering frm depression. when i was in the train, i was just staring at one spot with my stoned-nest face... haha. so tired. i learn a lesson today. NEVER LOOK FORWARD TO ANYTHING!! you plans or hopes will just be crushed ! damn ! remember the korean class i was looking forward to... i cant go. -_- i want cry. AGRGH!!! bye.

2007-04-23T12:52:00.000+08:00

just so you know.... i've changed my blog skin. nice? hee. i love this song. this song is for you VP. damn the lyrics is so true... i shouldn't love you but i want to. hmm. shall carry on with wat i want to say... i'll be enrolled for korean classes this coming may. which i'm reallie excited abt ! but... the thing is, i dunnoe who else frm operations who is going as well. otherwise, i'll be going together with the retail staff... yikes ! it'd be so akward lah can! omg. vp's confirmed going. wat if... the retail staff noes dat i got a thing for him. jeez. chaos ! i will just go out running frm the room or i'll just be -STONED-. today this particular gerl frm retail kept looking at me. which is kinda weird. like as if i did something horrible lidat... i must say, she looks fierce. it scare the living crapp out of me. lunch was crappiest today. bluek ! butbut... i ate some of Sumithra's fries... yummy. ^_^ thanks Sumi!! ended werk today at 4 instead of my usual 6. NOO!! i want more money !! boo !! mum fetched me frm werk. yippee. Faiz got a free ride home too. 1 thing i realised is dat we reached wlds quite fast through the expressway. cool. it made me even more eager to save up and get license. even my auntie was couraging me. hurhur. mum was like horrified hearing that coming out of my auntie's mouth. too late Ma. i'm more den eager now... aniwaes, i have a date tmr with Ernie, my sista ! we're going to da zoo and catching a movie after dat... best part is, we're doing all dat for free! yippe! can't wait. i'll end here for now. till then, so long...

2007-04-21T03:10:00.000+08:00

o...k... i feel like crapp. jeez. something happen at werk. and its reallie bothering me. this isnt suppose to happen ! argh! looks can be deceiving. damn i'm so pisst ! vp, if wat im thinking turns out to be true, then 1 word for ya !! ARSEHOLE!! but still, a part of me is hoping hard dat it will turn out the other way round. but chances are slim. no point thinking abt it. ok. nxt thing dat i would like to share is that, Faiz got a job in JBP. wee. i got a fren to go to werk with. he'll be starting this coming sunday. at least with faiz werking at BP, it will keep my mind off that arsehole. i will be meeting faiz later in the afternoon for some exercise! which i haven been doing for ages !!! wahaha. ok. so long.

2007-04-17T12:02:00.000+08:00

watsup pple? heez. finallie today i had my off !! after 7 days of werking w/o off.... actuallie today's the day where they're reallie short-handed. but neither vijay or whoever ask me if i wanna werk.... mebbe they think i nid rest... hehe. but the fact is, i reallie dont mind werking. esp if he's werking ! i miss him lah can. a bunch of things happen during the weekends. im rather happy abt it. yeahh. hopefully more to come. i must make an effort tho... looking forward to werk tmr. hehe. my dear senior just msged me... she told me dat Vainpot walk pass info counter alot today. damn. i missed it !! nvm. its okie. not fated. wat to do. hurhur. but there's still tmr... yeah !! cant wait. i highlighted my hair red today. fuhh... lucky my mum's reaction wasnt dat bad. but the funny thing is dat the colour doesnt suit the hairstyle. must go and change my hairdo. hmmm. nxt off day mebbe. ehh... but no money ald lah. jeez. not sure wat else to talk abt. ok bye.