i want to be the habit that you crave;

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

YOU brought the worst out of me. i dont like the person i have become. who is that girl i see staring straight back at me? i dont even know who i am anymore. i want things i can never have. i do thing i shouldn't have done. im not proud of what i did. in fact its killing me inside. i cant help but think if i should have taken a different approach. but the deed is done. isit too late to make amendments? is the damage irreversible? i dont want to be putting a mask on every time i go out and be something im not. it seems okay before. but i soon realise that i got so used to it that i've turn exactly to that evil twin sister that i've created in my head. its eating me inside. its feeding on whats left of the true me. i have to snap out of it. FAST! before i lose myself more. i've changed. i've changed for the worst. and i only have myself to blame. please god, show me to the right path. i've made a mistake. please dont give up on me. forgive me.

truly,madly,deeply_'
10:07 PM

Sunday, May 17, 2009

have you ever felt like just disappearing or changing your identity and be someone completely different when life dont turn out the way you want it to be? everyday, we go through many obstacles, tricky situations, challenges and the list goes on. im in a situation right now where i cant think anymore. i seriously dont know what to do. I WANT OUT. but thats not an option isnt it? i got myself in, i get myself out. how will i know if im making the right move? should i be self-centred? should i spare a thought to whoever i might hurt? either way, i know i wont feel any better about myself. i want to fight for myself. i really do. just not confident enough if i will be able to make it and if i have the strength to go all out. will i chicken out? my self believe is as low as it can get now. what if i fail? will i break? will i still be able to stand up and march on despite what just happened? if i decide to spare a thought, i will make someone else's day. but at the end of the day, i'm back to square one. when will i move on and build something to call my own? isit worth all the risk? isit worth losing something so precious? gosh... all these thoughts in my head is really getting to me.

truly,madly,deeply_'
10:07 PM