i want to be the habit that you crave;

Saturday, September 19, 2009

umma, i didnt know you could hurt me lidat. my heart was torn into pieces. i have never once force you to pay for my school fees. i just merely told you what i wanted to do. i remember you telling me "if thats what you want, i dont mind. if its for your education, i dont mind." your words today killed me like a thousand daggers stabbing through my heart. if the 6k means so much to you, fine. when i earn my 1st 6k, i'll give it all back to you. i dont want it if its not from the heart. if i was such a burden to you, why did you even had me in the first place? when we fought, i cant help but think why do i exist in this world?? when im nothing but a trouble to you. it makes me sad when i think about you. 1 day, you can be very nice, giving me support & love. but another day turning into a totally different person. it scares me when you change. i no longer recognize you. my trust towards you was also crushed. how can i trust you the next time you are nice again? i start to wonder, is that what parenting is about?? will i do that to my own in future? will i be calculative? will i confuse my own by being 2 different human? i dont understand how you could do that. i can be so motivated when you gave me your support. but so confused when you twist your words. i wanted to learn how to ride a bike not to go out and be a wild animal at night. how could you place me into that category? i never want to embarrassed you lidat. never. my desire was to build something out of my own money. supporting myself. be an independent young adult. i'm always proud to call you my mum. but i guess not.

truly,madly,deeply_'
6:29 PM

Friday, September 18, 2009

"The Climb"

I can almost see it.
That dream I'm dreaming, but
There's a voice inside my head saying
You'll never reach it
Every step I'm takin'
Every move I make
Feels lost with no direction,
My faith is shakin'
But I gotta keep tryin'
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
I've just gotta keep goin', and
I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, but

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on movin'
Keep climbin'
Keep faith baby
It's all about, it's all about
The climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, woah

truly,madly,deeply_'
10:48 PM